Wednesday, January 19, 2011


Doing work is a total arse. Yes, that's my first sentence of today's blog. The sort of colloquialism and nothing statement a 15 year might make several years ago before they invented some new slang word for arse, probably. Its probably something like fong, or ching, or something else that sounds like it could be part of a Spike Milligan poem. They probably have a new word for work too, them kids with their vocab. I bet its something like blark or jagga or something shit like that. Yeah, take that kids, I've just destroyed your whole slang talking ethos by showing just how easy it is to make all that stuff up. I might even make my own language, leak it onto the streets using Chinese whispers and the few children I know and eventually you'll all be saying phrase like 'Doing blark is total ching.' Then who'll look stupid? Well me, again. Mostly because instead of doing the work I should be doing I'm instead inventing words no one will ever use and once again take a step forward into that dangerous adult territory where younger people look at you like you are both a) uncool and b) weird and c) should be avoided at all costs. Sigh.

Its admin work I need to do today, which is the most boring kind. Everyone assumes that comedy is this joyous life of farting about all day until you rock up to a gig do our 20 minutes then resume position on the sofa and carry on farting. Well, disbelievers, its far more than that. Aside from all the traveling of which I moan about on this blog on a regular basis, there is a tonfuck of work to do. Tonfuck is a word I've just made up. I reckon the kids will use that. Its both a swear and a measurement. Two uses for one word. I might make that the basis of my language. Sweary measurements. Something like Ounceshit. Footcock. Centimetrebellend. Hmm. This could so catch on. So yeah, admin. Loads of it. There's all the booking of gigs for yourself, if you run gigs you have to book them up too, material writing for gigs, sketches, whatever other pies you have your comedy finger in, press stuff and interviews, then you have all Edinburgh planning and taxes and there's probably more but as I'm typing this my brain is screaming. Hertzdouche.

So today, rather than sensibly doing one bit at a time, I'm attempting to do everything all at once. Ultimately this means I probably won't do anything and instead will sit here thinking of other swear measurements then running into the street to shout them at kids till they catch on. Wattdick. Admin's for losers. Decibelnob.

Some other quick things:

- Today me and Nat walked past Lauren Laverne. ON OUR ROAD! This means she must live ON OUR ROAD. Exciting times. Sarah Benetto had warned me she lived near us, but now I have proof I may have to spend some time actually finding out exactly which house and trying to be her friend. I bet she'd like me as a friend. We could totally hang out. I've heard the radio before. Essentially we have everything in common.

- I finished all the Scott Pilgrim books last night as kindly bought for me by my friends Mat, Sam and Stefen. I had previously argued the merits of the film against Sam saying how the books were much better. I now fully bow to his opinion. They are amazing.

- Please come to this. Its the last time I'll ever do this show. Several people have said they liked it. One said it was shit and that them and their friends who left 6 minutes in were far funnier. But most didn't. Anyway. Its your last chance to see this for yourself so come along if you're London or near London based. Etcetera Theatre in Camden, 7.30pm Monday January 24th. Ta:


- Tomorrow, unless something amazing happens, due to demand I will do an entire blog of Tiernan Talks Back. What this needs however is questions from you, or things you would like me to write about. So please leave comments, questions or just general offensive statements or your own measurement swears and I will respond accordingly tomorrow afternoon.

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