Saturday, January 8, 2011

Bye Bye Twenties

Well this is it. The last day I will ever spend in my twenties. Unless of course I get to live to my 120's, which I suppose is unlikely. Unless they invent super freeze stasis things or very good vitamins. Either way, it'd be nice to actually get to see jet packs (yes I know there are jet packs now, but not proper ones). The roaring twenties. I know that adheres to the time period of the 1920's but I like to think it surmounts to a period of life where you are allowed to make noises like a lion and not get judged on it. It's not true of course. If you only make noises like a lion from 20-29, you'll probably get sectioned, but it's a nice thought. Sometimes I really think we live in a fascist state. A man should be allowed to make lion noises if he wants. Or a woman. A woman make lion noises that is, not a man make woman noises. Which he should also be allowed to do. God this is all getting complicated. After the roaring twenties of course came the thirties and The Great Depression. I will choose to leave that analogy with its time slot of the 1930's and not carry it with me into tomorrow and the next ten years. No. If anything, I am going to embrace 30 with slightly drunk, wavy, possibly sleazy open arms and give it a big wet kiss on the lips and a hugely inappropriate grope on the bum.

I've definitely done lots I wanted to do in my 20s, so I'm definitely not filled with regrets. I mean I didn't get to have a pet tiger, or blow up a building (in a T-Detonator type way, not terrorism), or parachute into a party, but hey ho, there's still time for all of those things. If anything, the last ten years have been so ram jammed (that's a type of condiment made of sheep) that I wouldn't have had time for all that anyway. I mean between January 9th 2001 and tomorrow I'll have read at least one book, maybe two, definitely had several hot dinners, and I went to the zoo at least three times. If that's not a worthy decade then I don't know what is. Which is probably to do with a sheltered and ignorant existence.

Its evident as well that as I'm reaching the arc that is that of the 30 something, I'm adapting to it well, becoming a mature human being, one who can bestow wisdom on many another. Not just in words, no, but in a way of life and philosophy. For example my evening yesterday can only be described as an exercise in adulthood. Step back childhood to the dark recesses you already live in, move away teenage life filled with your spots I still seem to have and awkwardness with girls that I also manage to retain really well, and back off twenties with your pretty much the same existence as childhood and teenage life. For here be 30xT, a whole new decade of Douieb. That's right, last night I shunned all immaturity and spent the evening eating chips and skittles with Mat and Tom while we played Xbox till 3am. Not only that, but indulging in some old school games, we consistently laughed at Tom's team in Worms (a computer game, not just us all wriggling on the floor in sleeping bags making worm noises. Though we did that too) which was called 'Do A Big Poo'. Such mature wit. The game would begin and it would say 'Do a big poo Get Ready!' and we'd fall about laughing like idiots. His team members included Vince Cable, Mary Poopins and Shatner. Its safe to say that even after two hours of playing the same game, this was still funny. Very very funny.

So yes, er, fully ready for what 30 brings. I hope its mostly sweets, fun and going to the zoo. Just, er, you know, in a grown up way.


  1. So this is your way of saying "it's my birthday tomorrow - just so you don't forget or anything. Hint: buy me sweets and take me to the zoo" in a really, really subtle way?