Thursday, January 6, 2011

One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest

50 whole people have died from flu. 50! I know I know its like the whole world has come down with a new killer virus that will wipe out humanity, animalkind and even any aliens that so much as glimpse at a plague ridden Earth with its snotty assassin. How quickly have these 50 died? WHAT? Over an unexplained period of time? DEAR GOD NO! Daub red crosses on door of the sick, burn the bodies, its less a pandemic and more a giant wokdemic! Panic! Panic on the streets of the UK! Or, more likely, we could all look at these figures sensibly, realise that that few people die of illnesses and colds all the time due to poor immune systems or a tragic weakness towards such things and then calm down as we watch the news freak out of not having much to talk about. I mean, no one's actually scared are they? I can't imagine anyone's not heard this news, just popped a few extra Lemsips in the cupboard and got on with their lives looking forward to the possibilities of calling in sick to work for a couple of days. I can't but feel this is a half hearted attack to do some new fear spreading. I mean, we haven't had any of that in the news for a while have we? I mean we had a little bit of pretend vanilla terrorism with some stuff that nearly happened or wasn't going to happen or someone said something was 'da bomb' or other, but aside from that, nothing's really threatened humanity for some time.

Sure the government have just upped VAT which will affect everyone except those who don't need to worry about money (I mean the very rich, not those who through booze/drugs/a feng shui position have realised its foibles and are happy frolicking in grass and eating insects) but who ever died of VAT? Well not directly anyway. I suppose through prolonged overpayments and rising living costs some people have probably died, but where's the proof it was VAT's fault? VATs of acid have killed people. Maybe we should tell the Daily Mail its the same thing and see how long it takes to become front page news? Anyway, what I is saying is that them media types need to do some scaring of people like cheap shockjocks so here we are once again with flu fears. I hope they get bored of it soon. There must be better ways to terrify people? What happened to global warming? That was pretty scary. I've seen The Day After Tomorrow and if that happened our central heating wouldn't hold out very well so I'd definitely be miserable. Even in my onesi. Nuclear War? Bring that back. Also very worrying. Or zombies? Start peddling a zombie outbreak and you'll see how quickly even the smallest statistics cause me to board myself up in Nat and Tom's upstairs room with 12 tins of baked beans and a pointed stick.

But not flu. Even, as a diabetic, the core group that GPs wish to peddle their not very useful but money earning flu jab on, along the elderly, infirm and weird, I prefer to just eat fruit and veg and have an immune system thank you. Survival of the fittest and all that. What I am worried about though is all these birds dropping dead out of the sky in Sweden and the US. What on earth could be causing that? Well, after many moons of playing Angry Birds, I'm concerned the green pigs have stolen all the eggs and these birds have been catapulted and missed their intended targets. If those investigators are clever they'll keep an eye out on the horizon for some rather unwieldy avian catapults, that's all I'm saying.

Quick last bit. Last night I went to see the lovely Bethan Gorman's group The Pins. They've just supported Laura Marling on tour and after watching them you can totally see why. They rock. In a really lovely chilled rock but more folk type way. If you get a chance, check out their myspace (I know, it still exists. Mad huh? I bet Tom feels real lonely right now):

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