Thursday, January 27, 2011

Better Way To Start The Day

I have a completely vacant head today. Utterly empty. Part of me is tempted to advertise it in Loot for London prices and see what I can get. Of course I'd have to seriously vet all possible tenants. Part brain emptiness was starting the day by paying a gas bill and then talking to Nat and Tom about the mould that is currently occupying their room. Unlike the metaphorical earlier sentence about someone living in my head, the mould, or perhaps we should refer to it at The Mould, is completely occupying Nat and Tom's room. It's moved in, covered the walls, and their bed and is one step away from demanding tea in the mornings. This has meant until our landlords sort it out, and they appear to be in no immediate rush, they are both sleeping in the living room, meaning our flat has decreased by roughly a third. Its for the best, lest they get some sort of horrible mould based illness, but it also means that with one opening of my door in the mornings I am immediately part of a conversation that often begins with 'how is your mould?' So far the landlord's way of dealing with this is by telling us we can all move out and break the contract if we want. This didn't seem remotely reasonable. Much like someone in a hospital with a broken leg being told, 'well you can just not walk on it again if you like' as some sort of cop out. Begrudgingly some men were sent round today while I was still asleep and they muttered something about broken lead piping which has merely lead to further fears about lead poisoning and mould. That sentence contained a lot of lead. Hope it wasn't heavy reading. BOOM!

This is, by no means, the best way to start a day. Far from it. I like to start a day without any hint as possible adult hood which then allows me to start churning bonkers ideas around like a hyperactive child. Instead when all begins with gas bills and household damage the rest of the day knows I'm a grown up and now all I can think about are boring things such as my finances and complete lack of them. No wonder adults are so dull. Yet every kid is so desperate to grow up. If only we showed children aged 10 exactly the kind of drab ways in which you can start a day, perhaps they will change their minds. Alternatively, my better idea, would be to change the mornings for everyone. All post, except birthday cards, should arrive early evening when you are braindead from work and therefore aren't really thinking about it. Instead somebody should knock quietly on the door at 10am then push a load of crayons and paper through the door with a small notice saying what you should draw that day ie penguin with a hat on, or lovely sunny day in the jungle, then you spend 5 mins having a good old scribble before anything else.

Think about it. How is your day going so far? Shit? Oh. Sorry to hear that. Well how much better would it be if today started with some jelly and custard then a quick scribble of a lion? Oh. That doesn't really help getting made unemployed. No. Sorry. How about you? No, no. You're right. That doesn't really help someone setting your hair on fire by accident when you arrived. How did that even happen? They were rubbing it really vigorously with some sticks? Er. Where do you work? Council? Oh. Well maybe if that person had drawn a big elephant playing a guitar then they wouldn't feel the need to have done that. That's all I'm saying.

Yesterday at my gig I asked a man how his day had been and he said 'great'. When I asked why, he merely said he woke up. I like that kind of simple optimism. That's how all days should begin, by being bloody cheery to be alive. Then crayons. None of this gas and rotting walls crap. I demand a refund on my day start please. Oh wait, sorry, have to leave things here. The Mould's calling for some toast.......

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