So that's it. I'm now 30. You know how people say it doesn't feel any different when you have a birthday? Well they are wrong. As it struck midnight last night, I was suddenly bestowed with a green glow. I was in the bathroom at the pub we were drinking in and as I looked in the mirror my pupils went red and shot lasers at my reflection. I ducked and instead they rebounded into the heads of two other men having a wee who are now both deaded. Then I went to open the door accidentally pulled it right off its hinges decapitating 12 other people who are now also deaded, but proper deaded and then I flew out over the pub and kicked the faces off of some bad guys who are now super deaded. Basically I've discovered my latent mutant abilities and will now walk the planet barefoot in search of justice. Even though I can fly. Maybe I'll just fly over the dirty bits of road. All in all, I'm well good. I'll have to think of a name. Maybe Mega Fucker Upper Dude or something along those lines and the universe will never be the same. Birthdays are great.
Oh no. Wait. Wait there. Yeah. Yeah I was wrong. Sorry. I'm just a bit hungover. I can't fly at all. I can drink tea. Not even that well. I just spilt a bit. Sigh. Maybe the super powers arrive at 31. I might just go back to bed.
Last night was awesome. I have very lovely friends.