Thursday, March 3, 2011

Crumpets and Crummy People

This blog is pre-written. I point this out every time I write a pre-written blog that unless you have some sort of super internet that means you can see each letter as I type it, it will always always be pre-written by the time it gets into your eyes and is shat out into your cerebral cortex only for you're brainial lobes to wonder why on earth you'd punish it in such a way. Oh dear, this is what happens when I log before I go to bed rather than at a time of day when my mind is still fresh. So far this evening I've done a gig in a room that I wasn't sure would work then totally worked and shouted things at Question Time. Oh and I bought some crumpets. However that last one won't be making the final cut of this blog so just ignore it, or revel in the knowledge that tomorrow morning when I wake up at stupid o'clock or normal time as you regular types call it, my choice of breakfast is secured. Mmm mmm crumpets. I bloody love crumpets. Whenever a woman is described as a thinking man's crumpet I wonder if that means a non-thinking man just has a crumpet for their crumpet? I like to assume I think a fair amount and yet tomorrow if someone offered me a hot woman covered in butter and marmite or a crumpet for breakfast, I'd probably take the latter. Oh I'd seriously consider the former, but I will be in a rush tomorrow and I'm not sure the breakfast lady would provide me with the carbohydrates I'd need for the rest of the day. Ah, who am I kidding? I'd totally take the former, then starve and survive on biscuits at the expense of a bigger sexual appetite than actual one. Stupid life. I hope that choice is never offered for fear of diabetic repercussions.

In fact I didn't really want to dwell on any of it. The gig was nice, fact, and it was wrong of me to judge it in anyway before I went on as I do with so many other gigs. Its become staple now to assume a show won't work unless it has the absolute proper lighting and sound system, but the crowd were so lovely that it didn't matter. I discarded with the mic like a thespian twat, and proceeded to project my voice in a way that I do all the time to the annoyance of most, but especially Adam Bloom. Its something I was taught to do at weekend drama classes as a kid - yes, I went to those. Yes, judge me all you like - and also sort of did from a young age anyway. I think it's my way of overcompensating for my small stature and squeaky voice by being able to send it to the far reaches of a room against all wishes of the people within it. This has, in its time, been useful. As a waiter in my uni years I could bellow things across a noisy room, and when I have actually done shows acapella, there has rarely been a moment where those paying attention were missing out. Alternatively, several car passengers of mine have gone deaf as have a lot of call centre workers. Its not great. So yeah, top gig, lovely crowd, much fun was had.

Whereas Question Time forced me to side with Ian Duncan Smith temporarily as he said it was correct to disallow two parents the right to foster if they were homophobic. This was met with the oddest of responses from a series of twats including and primarily David Starkey the League of Gentlemen character who made a point of saying that as a gay man he felt some homophobia was necessary. This leads me to believe that if he's willing as a gay man to accept that prejudice then there should be some agreement across the nation for all homophobics to direct their horrid name calling towards him and allow all the other homosexual individuals in the UK to get on with their lives without fear of social segregation. To cut it short: he's a twat. This was then backed up by another twat from the UN and Liam Hallegen from the Telegraph. You know its a panel of utter dicks when you have to side with the Tory minister. Very sad times. Thank god for Dimbleby being the sole force of good amongst them.

My main gripe once again though, as it always is with these sorts of situations, was the constant passing of blame. 'Oh it isn't our fault, it's the last governments' repeated over and over again regardless of which government came before them. Its a well know phrase that when the party in charge does something well its their doing, but when its done badly, its all to do with the previous cabinet. Its a nasty predicament when your country is run by the adult equivalent of playground children. There was a moment when it was pointed out that Blair sold weapons to Gaddifi and many New Labour MP's made links with Libya in previous years despite their dictator's dangerous potential. Yes they did and its fucking awful. But at no point was it mentioned that this current government have also sold them weapons, as the did the Tory government before them. Its a money making industry and as always rich people being able to sit in their jacuzzi farting out bank notes will be a priority over the lives of others. Stop blaming each other and care about humanity please. Bunch of arseholes. Grrr. Rant over.

That is what Question Time does to me. It's odd. It never used to maintain interest in my life at all. In fact the only real important QT moment in my entire life until a few years back was when I saw a video of my friend Pat asking a question while he had long hair and Dimbleby referred to him as the 'lady at the back'. Hilarious! So its clear I've grown up since then. Though I'd still find watching that hilarious. Haha they though Pat was a lady. Brilliant.

Oh god. I really hope those crumpets get me through tomorrow.....

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