Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Thumb Wars

Another iPhone blog today and once again I tap my way towards an arthritic right thumb that will have very few life benefits bar being able to never lose at thumb war through default of joints not working as they should. I dont have small hands - they are of reasonable man hand size, and able to feasibly grip a hefty orange in each with room for finger movement should such a situation ever be necessary - but my days of thumb war fighting never really took off the ground at school. I put this down to being a lover and not a fighter and the difficulties that occurred when asking to play thumb love. However it's more to do with my low tolerance for pain and thumbs that bend quicker than spoon that loves Uri Geller. I often dream of getting an iPad, watching today, again for the umpteenth time, someone I'm working with just playfully whizz their digits across a virtual book. I have no need at all for such things. I have real books. I have a phone. I have a computer. There is nothing such a device could provide me with that I need in my life apart from an overwhelming feeling of smug that would be neutralised by the knowledge that I had bought something that is essentially useless yet expensive. Oh and some thumb relief. Ill have to get one.

It's pancake day today and I'm pretty sure I won't get to eat any. I didn't last year or the year before and it appears to be a running theme in my life that despite naming my comedy club after such an event I am no longer allowed to celebrate it. Then again I suppose it's fair in that I do choose to fully embrace the scoffing of sweet and savoury crepe delights whilst entirely ignoring the next however many days of Lent. That's how I roll. Like someone who has absolutely no regard for religion at all. Sure I'll take Christmas, pancakes & Easter but you try and get me to give a shit about Whitsun Day or whatever it's called and I'll show you the door. You won't be that impressed by the door and we'll probably both question why I'd let you in in the first place, before I put it all down to taking metaphor too far about a day I'm not even sure is religious anyway and will know better for next time. I'd still just really like some pancakes.

It was another day with small children today and I have heard endlessly about how many pancakes they have had or will be having. One boy told me all he ever ever eats are pancakes, before then telling me other things he eats. These are the sorts of things that are important to children and we pretend dont matter as much in later life but they could see in my eyes I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the pancakes, I'm jealous of them being able to pretend to be Jedi's all day, and I'm jealous that they can talk absolute nonsense for hours about going to the moon with their sister and people would still sit next to them on a nightbus. I think that growing up is hugely overrated. Saying that, kids aren't allowed iPods so it's all relative I guess. If I ever see a kid with an iPad, shit will indeed go down.

I will finish today's blog here. Not just for thumb's sake but also for brain's. This week has been so busy I fear that until Sunday this blog will continue to descend into incoherent babbling. In many years to come I'll be able to look back on it and think 'wow I wrote some real shit'. More of that same shit tomorrow.

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