Monday, March 21, 2011



There are several words I probably use too much at the moment. Among these are 'ace' which I very much like using as I remember using it way back in the 90's and its verbal resurrection gives me both nostalgia and the confidence that it is a word that, through concerted historical effort, gives gravitas to its slang meaning. There are few people out there who upon hearing something was 'ace' would be unsure of its goodness. Unless you were the opposing player at a series of high stake card games. The other word I'm using a fair amount is 'hella'. I like this word and its used fully tongue in cheek, having gained it from a South Park episode many years ago and its taken some time to properly infiltrate my vocab. Now its here and I'm hella pleased about it. See? That was its correct use. To take a biblical ideology, cut off the corners and put it unnecessarily amongst other words it doesn't hang out with. There are quite a few others but the that bothered Nat the other day is 'banter', berated me for using it instead of 'conversation' or 'chat'. Thing is, banter is a whole different ball game to those other words. Whilst conversation could be about a mortgage or paint drying or Boring McBoreason's Boring Dog Boreface, banter is always more jovial than that. There is, supposedly an art to conversation. Well I would suggest that while that art is perhaps Constable or something sensible like that, banter is the art that people would actually put up on their walls to make a room look more exciting. I would name people but I know full that whoever I say there will be some criticism of my choice. Art is very much enjoyed on a personal level and one man's Pollock is very much another's 3 year old painting baboon. I am that second man. Sigh.

Last night, when meeting my friend Jacqui, we definitely had 'banter'. To describe it as anything less would be insulting. I've known Jacqui for donkey's years (I am assuming that most donkeys are about 12 years old) and she is one of my favourite people to chat absolute shit with. Sure there was some actual chat in there, some life commentary and that, but there was also a lengthy discussion about how we would survive if the world was attacked by zombies, robots and natural disasters all at once. Through some careful planning, we have managed to create a fool proof plan, although should an earthquake open up the ground underneath us, we'd fail. Aside from that, we'd have a floating house in the middle of a lake (inland, no danger of tsunamis), that's anchored in place. The lake would have a 100ft moat around the edge allowing all zombies to fall in it and be trapped. The house would have its own EMP system to destroy all robots that managed to get through the lake in the first place, and we would travel around on jet skis to a small ramp that contained our armoured truck. I think you'll find we'll be fine. Start bidding for your place in our hella pad right now. That is banter. Right frikkin' there. I choose to maintain the use of this word in its correct and appropriate usage and when I choose to merely have a conversation, I shall do so. Until then zombies, robots and er, natural disasters, beware.


Ok so Gaddiffi is a bad guy. This is all very obvious. But at the same time, has no one learnt anything from the war in Iraq? This all feels like a terrible reprise of such events with already 64 people being killed over the weekend from missile strikes. The government are being very quick to say they don't want to hurt any civilians, whilst at no point confirming if that's who's died in the first place. Sure there have been an airstrike or two that have been cancelled due to civilians being spotted etc but I fear its only a matter of time before this caution is ignored. In the words of Han Solo 'I got a bad feeling about this.' If only Western leaders would realise that nearly everytime they create one of these monsters through arms deals and oil bidding, they have to remove them at the expense of innocent lives. Again that always seems to come second to getting money in their pockets. Well more fool them as when the robot zombie disaster apocalypse comes money will be irrelevant. Idiots.

So yeah, thoroughly depressing news that I'm finding it hard to make light of in anyway. The best so far I can do is to read every statement from the MoD as though it says Mod, and its being made by a 1960's ska fan in a pork pie hat. This doesn't work that much.

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