Banjo

I like pub chat more than most other chat. Pub chat has that sort of ability to delve into the extremely banal without there being any need for anyone to point out why on earth such things would be talked about or indeed why we are not doing anything more worthwhile with our time. Somehow, having a pint in hand, whilst sitting in a decent pub, is the same as handing over a licence saying 'You are allowed to talk shit for the duration of your stay.' I'm not saying it's all bad chat. Last night's venture to the pub with my friends Wilz and Sumaia included some deep and meaningful words on the state of the country: 'its fucked'; comments on parenting: 'you should let 'em just do what they want and learn from their mistakes'; and insights into what to do with our lives: ' I love doing nothing.' But all this sort of chat that should be put into thesis and essays had what I consider to be real important conversations. One of the verbal morsels to twizzle your brain stick include just how Slimer was a bad ghost in the Ghostbusters films but a good ghost in the cartoon and in which of these representations we are given an impression of the true Slimer.

Is it wrong to call him evil just because he is constantly hungry? Surely we are treating someone with an eating disorder as a criminal unnecessarily? On the other hand, he wreaks havoc by eating things he shouldn't, sliming areas which cause health and safety issues, and he's undead which is, overall, a tad creepy. Verdicts from Twitter include his lack of a name in the film and therefore once given a name he becomes a character that can be empathised with rather than just a ghost. There was also the comment that he was never really bad in the film, merely mischievous and so eventually they came to love his cheeky ways and kept him as a house ghost. Matt Blair blamed it all on our perception of him in the first place and that just because he is a ghost doesn't mean he is bad. All of these were incredibly valid arguments and probably no where near as correct as the theory that 'it was a cartoon and for kids so they couldn't make him fuck things up as they needed one cutesy sidekick character for merchandise purposes.' Either way, another pint or two in and this was all mostly forgotten as we were about twelve tangents away.

The other conversation that I have spent this morning thinking about a great deal was a chat about the C-Bomb (the swear word not an earlier prototype of the H-Bomb), that led to me quoting Billy Connelly's phrase that 'there is no such thing as a bad word, just bad use of a good word.' Wilz demanded an example of a good word being used wrongly, and so I called him a 'fucking banjo'. I'm not sure this was the best I could have come up with, but oddly I've decided I very much like that as a swear word and will be using it from now as a form of insult. For any who read my blog recently on measurement swears (YARDWANG) will know I have recently rather enjoyed making up derogatory terms for people, and this morning I have dwelled for sometime on firstly other instruments that could be used to insult people, but then moved onto all household and gardening objects. Musical instruments aren't great. Often they have too soft a sound to be vitriolic, calling someone a Viola just sounds nice. You can get away with saying 'you stupid flute' if you sound angry, and Oboe if you say it in the same way you'd say 'unuh' in a schoolyard way.

Its far more exciting to start getting into other realms of handheld objects, with much joy gained from shouting 'you complete rake!' or heading more tech wise and aiming for 'you are such a SCART'. If you find any nice ones, please post below. Eventually we can come up with complete vocab that isn't censurable and I can make a show for primetime BBC where all I do is insult people with ordinary words but cause more confusing furore than anything Frankie Boyle has done.

I'm meant to be working on kids stuff today. This has clearly all gone wrong. I'm a total and utter ladle.