It doesn't matter how many previews you've had, how well prepared you feel or how many Edinburghs you've done, that first fringe show is the most terrifying thing in the world ever. Except for maybe werewolves. So apart from werewolves, its definitely the worst. God forbid anyone that does a first fringe show with werewolves in it. Up until yesterday I was feeling fairly pleased and calm about everything, and then, about 3pm, a troupe of butterflies subtly entered the stomach and flapped around like bastards. This continued until about 6 where sheer panic set in and I sat in the Caves bar looking over the same notes again and again and again till the words that I already knew were etched so far into my brain, if I was decapitated you could read them like age rings on a tree. Its a stupid feeling and completely unnecessary. I've performed this show in so many different venues now, so why does this one mean anything else? I think its because no matter how much I pretend its just me enjoying doing my show, I know it all leads to reviews and further work and various things that could actually affect my career in the immediate future. This is slightly more pivotal than the lovely 30 people in a room in Cardiff. To be fair one of them bought me a diet coke at the time, but its not quite the same.
But it went well. I fear typing it out, but it really was a lot of fun. More than that, something really really nice happened. A member of the lovely audience heckled me. Heckle? In a fringe show? That's not nice surely? Well, it wasn't a heckle, so much as a lovely reference to last year's show. Oh and don't call me Shirley. It meant that that person had seen last year's show and returned. How bloody nice is that? I was properly touched by that. And at the end a couple came up to me who'd seen last year's show as their first show of the fringe and this year they made sure mine was the first show they saw again. I properly got all a bit embarrassed at how nice that was. So surely Douieb you should be all happy now and excited about tonight? Well, and please don't call me Shirley anymore its really annoying, yes you're right. But - and this is a big but. Its almost a booty - now I'm worried the precedent has been set rather high and that tonight's crowd will be horrible and it'll all go wrong. This is the stupid mentality I'll have pretty much every night for at least the next week till I do have a really bad show (there's always one) which is filled with all the important critics et al and then decide it really doesn't matter and just enjoy myself again. For a day or so. Then panic again. I almost wish I was just having to battle a werewolf for a month.
Went to the Stand party last night. Bloody love the Stand. It never stops being one of the best venues ever. There were several parties on last night and some of them probably had people there that I should've talked to, but the Stand party is always full of people I like talking to. There is a large difference there, though to be fair either would've ended up in whisky and another late night. I'm resigned to the fact that I'm going to be part whisky till September. Still this means I'll be great at frothing egg yolks. Arf. Geddit? Geddit? Huh? Sigh.
Oh and currently I've sold absolutely zero tickets for Sunday, so if you could all come along then, it'd be great. Thanks.